I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
