the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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