you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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