we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
