she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
