The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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