Quick, to the slutcave!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
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