dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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