dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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