Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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