if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
