I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
