I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize