you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
