is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
