We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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