She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
