True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
His hands were made for my vagina.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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