I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
They have beer where we have blood.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
