Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
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I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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