I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
