I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
