How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
