I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
