a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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