Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
