oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
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I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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