you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
