Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
