I just pynch a tree in the face
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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