I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
