cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
