I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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