And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
