My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
