i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
