Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
