Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
