i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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