i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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