yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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