I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
