he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
