I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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