Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
