Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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