very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
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