those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
