I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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