ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
