just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
