I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
