I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
