Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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