So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
