glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
