Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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