There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
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eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
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My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I forget how to act sober
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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