You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
