i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
