I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize