Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
