you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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