That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
