Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
