so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
