Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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