There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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