At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
