This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
