Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
