There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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