I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
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I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
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Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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