I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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