Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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