At least make sure they are 18
Why
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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