I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
